Mortified
I get a particular humiliated feeling when I walk into a doctor or dentist's office and have to present my children's state medical cards. I hate having to be a medicaid patient. I know all of the reasons for our particular situation but the people at the office don't. It always feels like there is unspoken judging and assuming going on. Even if it's only in my own head, it makes me incredibly self-conscious and uncomfortable.
Today I realized there is an even worse feeling. It starts spreading through you when are called to the receptionist desk and told that the state says you don't have any benefits right now, so they can't help you unless you can confirm that you have coverage. It gets worse when you spend 30 minutes in the waiting room on the phone (mostly on hold) with the medicaid people--only to find out that your renewal is still being processed, but they don't know when it will be done, and there is nothing anyone can do. It threatens to overwhelm you while you reschedule with stammered apologies and explanations, round up your kids, and beat an embarrassed retreat. Thankfully it doesn't fully peak until you are home behind a locked door and can let it all out.
I am tired of pretending everything is okay. I just can't do it any more today.
Would it make you feel any better to know our application is pending for
the Healthy Kids program? And that's with two-and-a-half incomes. We do the
best we can, and accept the hand-up when it is best for our kids.
I was behind an old man and his daughter and grandkids the other day at
Costco, as they were trying to sort out prescription benefits. They knew
very little English, and the clerk was trying to be as kind as possible...
but she had to tell them that their meds were not covered by the state
program and that they had to pay cash. These people obviously didn't have
that kind of money, and had to leave without the meds. As they sadly got
ready to go, I realized with horror that the grandfather was really the
father... just bent and ravaged from some disease (or chemo). I almost
offered to pay for the meds myself, and would have if I'd had enough cash
in my bank account (you can't use a credit card at Costco).